Operation Aborted

This is the message I got when I logged in today. What is the internet trying to tell me? Why can't I view my own page? I know it's been bad lately, but I've been busy doing other things. School has pretty much dominated the charts and I'm almost ready to quit.

Hello, where art thou free time?

How many times can I say it? J and I are over; beyond done. No need to stick a fork in anything because it's just ash sitting in front of you. In front of you? No wait in front of me.

And let's talk about invasion of space. I have asked the man to leave my house repeatedly for about 6 months now and he refuses to go. I'm to the point where I'm ready to pack up my shit and just leave with no notice. I need boxes first and possibly time to pack.

Speaking of, he has spoiled Kaitlyn so much by watching her during the day, the moment she cries he says how high. This is his plot to wedge his way into this relationship permanently. I'm sorry did he miss chapter 1?

We have a new dog too. Anyone want to meet me outside during "poddy" time, he's free and black. I'd be surprised if I made it out of this situation, alive.

There is always hope …

I found a dream, that I could speak to, a dream that I can call my own, I found a thrill to press my cheek to, a thrill that I have never known, oh yeah, yeah, and you smile, you smile, oh and then the spell was cast, and here were are in heaven, for you are mine, at last.

Thank you Etta, for making my night.

Taking Time For MJ

The things you never know you have, Windows Live Writer.  Posting may never get any easier than this.

Avenged Sevenfold – A Little Piece of Heaven

Screaming Quietly

Today is just one of those days where you wish you could close your eyes and have all your errands and personal tasks done when you open them. That isn't the case for me, because while it's a holiday - my job is to watch my youngest daughter so the Ex can have a holiday.

So it really never ends, I do it all, even when I don't have to. After all, HE needs a break and I don't. I'm just working, going to school and supporting a whole family of 4 on my own, while he pretends to watch the youngest and smokes pot all day.

Yeah this totally makes sense. Why did I not sign up for this earlier?

Computer Glitches

I'm not sure where the rest of my list went, but I have had so much to do to even try and recreate it. Final projects are due this week and I have only started on one. Another smart move on my part, upgrading from Office 2003 to 2007. Definitely not a good time for that to happen either.

I asked J to leave last week when the parents were here, but he's still laying in bed snoring his ass off. I'm kind of pissed and yet just in a spot where I don't know what to do anymore and very tired of asking him to leave.

His phone just went off, assuming it's his girlfriend. I REALLY wish she would come get his ass.

101 Things to Do in 1001 Days - PART 2

OK it's official, as if I don't have enough to do right now, I am creating a second list of 101 things to do in 1001 days! Life really is too short!

YOU CAN PARTICIPATE TOO:
101 Things

101 THINGS
0 DONE
0 FAILED

FINANCIAL GOALS

Pay off my sister.
Oh yeah, we are still putting this number one on this list. It's not impossible and we've stopped borrowing from her, so hopefully this will come true.

Increase my credit score by another 100 points.
I've come a long way paying off old bills and collections. I'm nearly to a point where I can buy a house again, but I want more. Another 100 points would be a great goal over the next few years.

Buy a house, at least 4 bed, 2 bath.
This would really take care of the home office issue, I mean the fact we don't have one! After 5 or so years in this house, we'll be able to move on to our dream house.

Have a savings account with at least $20,000 in it.
Trust me, it would benefit everyone to have one of these.

LUXURY

Get new front room furniture.
I've had my stuff for over 6 years now. I'm really looking forward to a hip new set.

Get a new dining table that seats at least 8 people comfortably.
Honestly the last one does a good job, but it's not what I want.

Buy new mattress for my bedroom.
Really we need a king bed.

SELF IMPROVEMENT

Get my Associates Degree
I've already started and I want to make sure this is something I complete by next September.

Get my Bachelors Degree
I don't plan on stopping until I get to the end.

And Then, Paranoia

I wish I could say that life on the home front is getting any better, but it's really not. The other day I found out that J was still talking to other women behind my back. There really wasn't an excuse and he really didn't fight it, so I am assuming we are nearing a reality check point. Which means the next time I ask him to leave my house, he should have no troubles packing up his things and going without resistance.

Super stupid to get caught, after you already got caught once doing the same thing. Extra stupid to leave your email open on MY laptop for me to view. Of couse, you men who think he should be able to do whatever the hell he wants as I'm supporting him, will ask, "What were you doing reading his email?"

I'm sorry, "What were you doing on MY laptop?" Pretty sure that's why he has his own computer and if he wants to cheat on me, then he can do it from there and not on something that is completely and totally MINE.

I wish I could say that time will rebuild the trust, but as I am writing from home at lunch time, you can tell my paranoia has kicked in. It wasn't so much the fact he didn't answer my text or that he missed my call. It wasn't even when I pinpointed him with Sprint Locator at the house that I thought it was important to venture home. It was when I noticed activity on my checking account, which I approved but did not remember that sent me into a complete and utter rage, that I felt the need to leave work and come home to see the whore he was cheating with.

My thoughts were he bought her something and today was the exchange. Hilarious now that I am home and was reminded it was the thermometer for Miss K. I can sit and laugh now. I can remember a time when I was with EHND and went through this crap, what a complete idiot I was for one, forgiving him and two, making such a scene about it.

Do I feel I can trust J? Never. Do I care if he cheats on me in my house, while I'm footing the bills. Of FUCKING course. I mean really, if you are going to cheat on the woman that literally clothes and feeds you and your family and says literally nothing about your "part-time" job, then at least have the balls to cheat at a hotel or at the bitch's house.

Do I care he's sleeping with other women? Absolutely not. I just wish he would come clean so I can start doing the same .. well not with women, but men. Because I don't even know what sex is since J started lying to me. I told him it would ruin everything, but who listens to me.

And The Way It Went ...

This morning, I felt like it was going to be a good day. Until lunch rolled around and the pregnant woman convinced me to go to Chinese Buffet for lunch! Tomorrow I pray I can get up early, to go to work early, so I can get off early and head to the gym.

Only time will tell, speaking of which - I need to get to bed.

Partially There

I'm not stressing, seriously. Things have been super busy here on the home front, but overall great. The only thing lacking from my schedule is the working out, which I feel is coming on either this week or next. I did manage to shave off 4 lbs over this last week, so yay me!

If there were a great time to blog, I think it would be in the morning. That way I can guestimate how my day is going to go. I could be positive and hope for the best. When I get home, I could give you the low down on how bad it REALLY does suck at work.

Keep your fingers crossed, your hands together in prayer or whatever it is that you do to send some good karma my way. Work MAY be changing for the good and my sanity!

Did I Mention?

I started school. I'm not saying it's easy. I find myself wanting to sit at my computer all night and play games.

Kidding.

Actually it's made me realize that I have PLENTY of time to do what I need to do, I just need to stop being lazy and DO IT.

So, here is my final attempt to workout, work, hang out with both my daughters, go to school, play and blog.

That's right!

Stop rolling your fucking eyes - I'm GOING to do it.
Seriously.